1999 by Pasha Malla

Author:Pasha Malla
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Humorous, Short Stories (Single Author), Fiction
ISBN: 9781927552001
Publisher: Walrus Ebooks
Published: 2012-08-01T04:00:00+00:00

“WOMEN OF THE WORLD, I’m sittin’ here still waitin’ 4 U 2 cum. I just wanna – ladies, I can’t wait 2 B with U. But the bubble bath is goin’ cold and I’m wonderin’ where U R. If we R gonna make a life 2gether we gotta start it soon. It all depends on us. It’s time. Cum 2 me. Please. I’m just feelin’ so alone.”

“MY NAME IS DEBBIE. I’ve been an Artist-Formerly-Known-as-Prince fan since I was twelve years old. I’ve watched Purple Rain over a hundred times. I own every album on vinyl and CD and I have concert videos none of you have probably even heard of. So if there’s anyone here who thinks they’re a better person than me to go to Paisley Park then you better stand up and say something now.”

No one moved; the grenade complicated things. All the women sat unspeaking in the orange vinyl chairs of the airport lounge. Debbie stood wide-legged by the Help Desk, the run in her stocking a thin pink fissure from ankle to inner thigh. At her feet, on their knees once again, were Esme, Sonya, and Mrs. Mendelbaum.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. So what’s going to happen is that I’m going to take these three with me. And if I get a whiff that any of you are trying to follow us I will blow everyone up.” She juggled the grenade from one hand to the other. “The old lady first.”

Mrs. Mendelbaum’s eyes widened. Sonya patted her arm.

“You got that?”

After a few whispered translations, nods rippled around the room.

“Good then. Glad we’re understood. Let’s go, ladies.”

But as Debbie was kicking her hostages to their feet, a voice called out: “Wait.”

Debbie whipped around. “Who said that?”

The pilot stepped forward, wings on her lapel tilted at a haphazard angle – the plane crash-landing. In her eyes was worry; in her accent, Germany. “There are others. Guardians of the city.”

“Who?”

“They are known as Diamond and Pearl.”

“His old dancers?”

The pilot shrugged. “They are blocking Paisley Park. They do not believe in his mission. Did you not receive their facsimile communication?”

“They’re sending faxes?” said Sonya.

Debbie glared at her.

The pilot reached into her carry-on luggage, a blue leather satchel bearing an airline’s insignia, and produced a folded piece of paper.

Debbie took it and read, tapping the grenade against her leg. Sonya watched uneasily, afraid one vigorous strike might set the thing off. At last, Debbie lowered the page and licked her lips. “Well, we’ll see about this,” she snarled. And then, turning to Sonya, Mrs. Mendelbaum, and Esme: “Let’s ride, ladies.”

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